I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
