Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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