So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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