Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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