sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
