so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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