hotel room ftw
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
