she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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