I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
