I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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