i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
