Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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