God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
