some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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