Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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