Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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