Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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