Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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