You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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