You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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