yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
