i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
