Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
