We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
