i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
