just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
