Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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