Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
