Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
