saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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