Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
