Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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