quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
