Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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