Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
