you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
