Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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