My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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