i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
