So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize