I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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