The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
