His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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