You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
