I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
