she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
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