who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
