how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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