So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
