Umm I'm too high to move.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
