he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
