textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
