Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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