So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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