Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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