Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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