The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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