My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
