And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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