SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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