Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
