I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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