worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
