I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
