it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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