god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
