why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
