You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
