sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
