question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
