Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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