oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
