I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
