My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So. Much. Porn.
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