fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
