I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
