Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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