I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize