TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
