can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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